Today, I Celebrate. It’s been 7 weeks and the surprising truth of it all is that I am far more joyful, and doing far better, than I could have ever imagined doing while I was with Him.
I have been furious, I have been desolate. I’ve been racked with loss. I’ve been so afraid of being without him, of who I would become without his guidance. I have felt the severing of the most secure attachment bond I have ever known and breathed through that pain.
I have been disparaging, and played over and over in my head the ways I was wronged. I have felt guilt, and played over and over in my head the ways I wronged him. I honored my feelings, named them, and allowed them to rest.
I forgave us both.
And now…now I am mostly grateful.
I have loved, to a depth and breadth that most people will go their whole lives and never know. This makes me one of the lucky ones.
I have experienced a heartbreak that now allows me to have deeper compassion for others, because for the first time I truly understand what they are going through. I am a better person.
I was more judgemental on other people’s relationships and dynamics before, even if I kept my opinions to myself. I’m expanding, becoming more open minded and accepting deep in my heart.
These are all reasons to be grateful.
For these reasons listed, for the beautiful friendships I’m cultivating, for my renewed sense of self, for the life I am (literally) building in my apartment (as I put together piece after piece of furniture), for the rest and ease of my soul as I realize that somewhere along the line I internalized: I can’t earn Grace.
For these and many others unlisted, I am grateful.
And it’s time to Celebrate.